you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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