I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
