New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
