Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
