We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
