I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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