Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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