Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
