just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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