She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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