five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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