every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
