she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
