I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
