Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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