I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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