Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
