Pants 0. Shit 1.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
