yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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