you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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