Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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