there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
