i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
