final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
