This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
