fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
