Cold hands, warm shart.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
