You're my little dorito
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
