Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
