how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
