Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
