just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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