woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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