so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
