Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
