I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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