Pappa wants mamma naked
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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