it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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