I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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