i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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