i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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