He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
