i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
