i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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