what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
