Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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