I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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