What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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