You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
