lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
