I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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