Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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