that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i think i just lost a toe
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
