What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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