If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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