i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
