I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
