there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
