I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
